There were several magazine features with Mindy Kaling out last week. She’s just starting to promote her new book, Why Not Me?, which is her second collection of essays/stories/miscellanea after the success of Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me? (And Other Concerns). I read her first book and I enjoyed it – it’s a light read and I ended up relating to it a great deal (I’m close in age to Mindy and I’m half-Indian). One of the features out last week was an excerpt from Mindy’s new book, an essay called “The Guide To Killer Confidence.” You can read the full piece here. Here are a few moments that I wanted everyone to enjoy:
The context of being asked about her confidence: “When an adult white man asks me ‘Where do you get your confidence?’ the tacit assumption behind it is: ‘Because you don’t look like a person who should have any confidence. You’re not white, you’re not a man, and you’re not thin or conventionally attractive. How were you able to overlook these obvious shortcomings to feel confident?’”
What “confidence” really means: “Confidence is just entitlement. Entitlement has gotten a bad rap because it’s used almost exclusively for the useless children of the rich, reality TV stars, and Conrad Hilton Jr., who gets kicked off an airplane for smoking pot in the lavatory and calling people peasants or whatever. But entitlement in and of itself isn’t so bad. Entitlement is simply the belief that you deserve something. Which is great. The hard part is, you’d better make sure you deserve it.”
Confidence comes from working hard: “People talk about confidence without ever bringing up hard work. That’s a mistake. I know I sound like some dour older spinster chambermaid on Downton Abbey who has never felt a man’s touch and whose heart has turned to stone, but I don’t understand how you could have self-confidence if you don’t do the work. I work a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I feel like I must have been watching TV as a kid and that cartoon parable about the industrious ants and the lazy grasshopper came on at a vital moment when my soft little brain was hardening, and the moral of it was imprinted on me. The result of which is that I’m usually hyper-prepared for whatever I set my mind to do, which makes me feel deserving of attention and professional success, when that’s what I’m seeking.”
On workaholics: “We do a thing in America, which is to label people “workaholics” and tell them that work is ruining their lives. It’s such a widespread opinion that it seems like the premise to every indie movie is “Workaholic mom comes home to find that her entire family hates her. It’s not until she cuts back on work, smokes a little pot, and takes up ballroom dancing classes with her neglected husband that she realizes what is truly important in life. Not work.” Working parents have now eclipsed shady Russian-esque operatives as America’s most popular choice of movie villain. And to some degree, I understand why the trope exists. It probably resonates because most people in this country hate their jobs…It’s just that, the truth is, I have never, ever, ever met a highly confident and successful person who is not what a movie would call a “workaholic.” We can’t have it both ways, and children should know that. Because confidence is like respect; you have to earn it.”
Confidence isn’t about being beautiful: “Looks are great, but they’re not compelling enough. I’ve noticed that successful actors with long careers are usually talented actors with charismatic screen presences, and all of them must exude one thing: confidence. Yes, a lot of them are good-looking, but from my eleven years in Hollywood, I have learned a secret: “good-looking” by Hollywood standards is achievable by every human on the planet. Every average-looking American is just a treadmill and six laser hair removal sessions away from looking like Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively (who are a great couple, by the way).”
The whole piece is worth a read, and I’m assuming that the whole book will be worth a read as well. Mindy directs the entire essay to an unnamed teenage girl who asked her about confidence once and I hope a lot of young women are listening to what Mindy has to say. I’ll take this kind of thoughtful and honest conversation about confidence, entitlement, work and feminism over pretty much anything anyone else in Hollywood has to say.
Mindy also did the Proust Questionnaire in the September issue of Vanity Fair – go here to read.
Photos courtesy of WENN.
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